My Journey with Breast Cancer

It’s really difficult to sum up an experience like breast cancer into tidy Instagram caption updates. Or share everything authentically when emotions vary so drastically from day to day… errr…. hour to hour. Below is a “diary” of sorts to share the timeline and details of my diagnosis, treatment, lessons learned, struggles along the way, really high highs and disappointing lows. These words are a combination of captions, texts to friends and family, and excerpts from my never-before-shared Notes app.

Before you read on, please hear this – the following is meant to educate and empower you to advocate for your health and your body. It is not intended to induce unnecessary fear. Education is the first step to prevention! It is also not to be used as medical advice – this was my experience – please consult your healthcare professionals!!! I believe this vulnerability will indeed increase awareness and help some on their own journey – or as they walk alongside a friend! Have more questions? I am an open book!

~ 35 minute read

December 9, 2021

Hi y’all, I’ve had a bit of a health surprise this week. I’m on the high risk protocol for breast cancer since my mom was diagnosed at 40. I’ve been doing mammograms and ultrasounds every 6-12 months since December 2018 when I was 30. There have been a couple cysts that we’ve watched but they have just fluctuated as cysts tend to do. Part of the protocol is also a yearly breast MRI. I just had my first one on Monday (because I had been pregnant or nursing before).

I got the results last night on the hospital website and there were 2 spots in my left breast that were “malignant suspected”. It called for a follow up ultrasound to evaluate the area.

By God’s timing, I was already scheduled for my 6 month follow up mammogram and ultrasound this morning at 8. I’m really grateful, because we only had to wait 12 hours for more information. In these covid days, appointments take FOREVER. After all of the imaging and speaking with the radiologist, there are 2 spots in my left breast and 1 lymph node that need biopsied next week. But you’ll never believe it – the mammogram could not detect the spots!

I of course was very emotional through everything this morning, but the radiologist grabbed my hand and said “if it is something – and we don’t know if it is – it is not advanced.” 

We don’t know much more than that at this point. Besides the obvious, please pray I can get in very early next week for the biopsy. Will keep you all posted as we learn more. Please share with anyone willing to cover us in prayer as we tackle this! Love, Brittany and Matt

December 10, 2022

They couldn’t get me in for a biopsy until December 30th. Was NOT going to wait 3 weeks, so called and emailed every single person I could find. By the time I spoke with the scheduler again, she said she had seen my name in her email from 3 different people! I was effective. Moved up to December 23rd. Going to be a hard two weeks to wait.

December 23, 2022

Post Biopsy

Well that wasn’t fun. Like no fun at all. I think they did 9 samples total over the 3 areas? I got woozy in the middle and we had to take a break… then again when we were finished and they almost sent me to ER! I was like y’all – I just watched you stick a needle in my boob then pull it out on an ultrasound screen and I haven’t eaten all day because of nerves. I am fine!!! They gave me some Hershey Kisses and I was on my way. We made it home in time to change and meet our family at Christmas Eve(‘s Eve) service. I will never forget standing in that candle lit auditorium singing Silent Night. Peace. We have so much peace as we celebrate Christmas and wait a week for results. By Christmas Eve next year, we’ll know how this story plays out. And gosh, I just know I will be a wreck when they start to light the candles.

December 29, 2021

Not the results we were expecting… all 3 spots came back as the c-word Hoping to hear from the surgeon by sometime tomorrow to discuss next steps. I have no option but to fight and let everyone know who my God is! Appreciate an abundance of prayers as we navigate the next few weeks Still numb to the news, or maybe it’s a peace. I don’t know but I still know He is good. No doubt in my mind. It’s so scary to think about if I hadn’t been proactive. I feel NOTHING. I can’t feel the spots. We had to fight so hard with insurance every time too. Gosh. it’s all Him. I’m so grateful for that crazy nudge to push for the MRI.

January 5, 2022

First appointment with breast surgeon.

Wow. What a lengthy, informative and thorough meeting. We went over a lot of information that is hard to condense into a few sentences. The masses test out to be a Stage 2 non invasive ductal carcinoma. Estrogen positive, Progesterone Positive, Her2 negative. This is treatable and curable with chemo, surgery and radiation in that order. I’m completely overcome with emotion and 100% see God’s protection and provision. This has not been here for long, but has grown quickly. I am forever grateful for His nudge to fight for that MRI This is your reminder to be proactive with screenings! Playing phone tag with the oncology office to determine an appt time for Friday. Chemo likely to start in the next 7-10 days. We realized at the appointment today that it’s our 8 year dating anniversary. God picked him so perfectly for me. Like God knew back then this would be part of our journey. Matt knew I was nervous and was being his goofy self to lighten the mood. And as soon as the Dr walked in it was all business with the best questions I never would have thought to ask. He prays for us every night and has been going to the Seacoast prayer sessions at church before work every morning. He researches and fights for my care and loves us all so well. Thank you all for your continued love and prayers.

January 7, 2022

First Oncologist Appointment

My head’s spinning with info! Getting down to the details causes a few more nerves to rise up. But I know (and feel!) so many people are praying for us. Love when I hear from people too!

I’ll be doing 8 rounds of chemo every 2 weeks starting January 20th. 4 rounds of Adriamiacin/Cytocin (AKA AC AKA “the red devil”) and 4 of Taxol. Outpatient surgery this coming Wednesday to get a port placed. Please continue to storm heaven’s gates on our behalf. We are overwhelmingly grateful this has been caught. But nerves rise up as we journey uncharted paths.

Today was hard because we had to talk about all the not fun stuff. Hair loss and if I want to try this cold cap thing to *maybe* prevent it – which I am choosing not to. Potential future risks and disease from the chemo meds. And the hardest, closing the door on future babies because of how long I’ll need to take medication afterwards and my age. I don’t need any sugar coating or silver linings. Beyond grateful for our 2 little ones. Just sad and processing this change in our plan! I know there are always exceptions and surprises but all come with their own risks.

January 12, 2022

Annnnddddd I got covid, so port surgery pushed to 1/21 and first chemo to 1/27. Booooo.

January 21, 2022

Post Port Surgery

Woohoo!! That was a breeze. I got really emotional as they wheeled me down the hall because it just symbolized so much as the first step in the physical fight! The anesthesiologist was in the hall waiting and saw me crying and rushed over to give me some kind of shot to calm me down. I was loopy in ten 10 seconds, don’t remember falling asleep and then woke up before I knew it. They said I had either a really bad dream or really emotional dream because I was crying a lot when I woke up. So weird!! But wonderful nurses and doctors. Probably good to have this quick little experience with the anesthesia, intubation and all the things, so now the big surgery won’t be as scary! Will be same place, same nurses and everything.

So so so grateful. Indescribable peace. So thankful for the timing that I am even given the opportunity to fight! And fight I will!

January 26, 2022

Day before first round of chemo

To our incredible army of prayer warriors!

THANK YOU!! Thank you from of the bottom of our hearts for all of the calls, texts, meals, gifts and PRAYER! Oh the prayers. We have felt every one and are so grateful for you loving our family in this way. We see God’s hand so clearly in this journey from the timing, to incredible doctors and medical team and the overwhelming peace we feel as we start this fight! 

As we move into the next several months of this battle, these are my specific prayers. Would you pray them with us?

1. First and foremost, for the chemo to be effective! For the medicine to eradicate this unwelcome visitor!

2. For no adverse reaction and manageable side effects. And for my levels and immune system to bounce back each week. 

3. For lots and lots of good days and happy moments throughout!

4. My sweet kiddos For them to not be scared as chemo side effects set in. I asked my son if I could get a haircut like his and he said yes but he might giggle a little at first

5. For Matt to well, just be Matt! No words for my awe in how perfectly God picked him for me. He asks the best questions, does the best research and knows exactly how to make me laugh when he can tell I’m nervous. I pray he feel loved and supported during this season as well. 

6. For His peace to continue. I cannot explain the immense peace we are resting in. His peace is the antidote to fear, worry, anxiety and any other feeling this world throws at us. Before we knew any of this was on the horizon,  I chose “peace” as my word for 2022. It’s by no accident! (Though I had intended it to symbolize peace in our home and this terrible kitchen reno to be over ) His peace is keeping us living in the present and fighting each step as it comes – not questioning or worry about the future. His peace is allowing us to feel hope and GRATITUDE above all else.

I cleaned out our closet not too long ago and found a “little black dress” I bought a few years back. It was a little snug when I bought it, but figured I could lose 5 pounds when I needed to wear it. But, it got shoved behind clothes that fit and felt good and was forgotten about. 

Don’t let your faith become that little black dress. Don’t wait to work on it until you really need it. Don’t let it get shoved behind other things that fit and feel good in the moment. Work on it now. Learn to lean on Him now when life seems normal. Faith prepares you for whatever your story might hold. Life still feels sad and scary at times, but those feelings are never greater than knowing you are held by the One who loves you most.

I’ll be getting cozy in a recliner and waiting for my first “cocktail,” as they call it, around 10am tomorrow. Will keep you posted! Thank you, thank you, thank you

January 29, 2022

Two days after first chemo

Been in and out of naps all day. Stuff kicked in about an hour after we got home on Thursday. It was All I could do to make it to the sleepy nausea meds before bed. Friday was off and on, zofran kept me semi functioning. Today has been roooouuuuggghhhh. Been in bed all day. But woke up from a nap a bit ago and Matt got me walking around a bit and feeling ok right now. Praying the yuck is over and tomorrow is looking up!

So I met with my radiation oncologist yesterday for the first time. Like all the drs, they have me go through the whole story of how I got here. Afterwards she stared at me with these big speechless eyes for what felt like forever. Finally she said “I reviewed your case with our resident and talked with your chemo oncologist and we were infuriated.” Then she looked away and was super quiet again. I asked what she meant by infuriated – did she think someone missed something on a scan? After more silence she said “How could this happen to someone who has been doing everything right and at such a young age. It’s unfair.”

Unfair. Whoa. I can’t remember what I said through tears but it was the first time through this whole thing that I’ve felt mad.

At the treatment on Thursday, the NP sat down to go over weekend meds with me and started the conversation by saying “Looking at you scares the shit out of me” My eyes got big, surprised by her words. She said “you’re 33, right?” I nodded. She said “I’m 33. This is crazy.” I just told her to keep up on her scans and be proactive. That’s all I can think to say through this. Be proactive, advocate for you health, know your body so you can recognize changes, and know your God so you can feel his nudges.

I haven’t been mad at God through any of this or really thought it unfair. Inconvenient, yes, but not unfair. Everyone has trials and troubles that get thrown at them unexpectedly. 1 in 8 women are diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s sucks but it’s not that uncommon. 

Those conversations made me feel sorry for myself for the first time. And i don’t want to feel sorry for myself. That doesn’t get us anywhere. So it just set me up with some weird mental stuff alongside the regular chemo side effects.

The radiation oncologist appt also left us with big decisions in regards to reconstruction. She said it doesn’t change the effectiveness of the radiation (I’ll have just 3 weeks at the very end of everything), but would alter the cosmetic appearance of the reconstruction.

January 30, 2022

A report from the battlefield:

I’ve described the last month of appointments and waiting as “prepping for battle”. Well I’ve started the battle now and from the outside I look like the weakest soldier on the field. A friend who recently finished her battle reminded me of Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” Could not be a better verse to describe these days. I’m pretty darn still! Believing that God is healing me as the medicine fights the bad cells and my job is to just be still and fight the mental war. Screens make me dizzy, so I close my eyes and sing “this is how I fight my battles” on repeat.

Its not fun, but manageable and only a few days every couple weeks. The strangest part is having sooooo many medicines going through me right now when Matt usually has to force me to take ibuprofen for a headache! Incredibly grateful to have my mom (who walked this same road 27 years ago) by my side talking me through each step and emotion. For her and Matt who are keeping the kids cared for and me fed and hydrated. 

Prayers appreciated for this to be the worst of it and to turn a corner tomorrow as doctors have predicted. Prayers for the ongoing mental game. To come out of the treatment slump and get myself physically and mentally prepared for the next round. I’m hanging on tight for this ride ahead. I can see how people can go downhill fast if they don’t have Him to hold onto. So much love and gratitude for you all!

February 3, 2022

Oncologist said all of my bloodwork numbers look perfect for a week out

They said I should really be coming out of the slump in the next day or so. Next time we’re going to add another med to help with the nausea. And I’m going to go in on the Monday after treatment for a bag of fluids and nausea meds to help me bounce back quicker hopefully. Thanks for all the continued prayers. I was feeling pretty down yesterday knowing I have to do this 7 more times – while still feeling really cruddy. We all agree it was a hefty dose of hormones and satan. We’re praying for a continued hedge of protection around my head and heart. Going in today gave me a good boost that I can do this and I will do this

February 8, 2022

Feeling good. Finally turned a corner on Friday and had a good weekend. Had a little procedure this morning to place a sonar chip in the lymph node so they can find it during surgery. Hurt like the dickens but now I’m officially detectable by submarines… and maybe whales

February 16, 2022

After Chemo Round 2

Hi Everyone! Just wanted to pop in and say thank you again for the outpouring of love as we navigated round 2. It went about like last time, but no lingering headache so super grateful for that. And my levels have been perfect! We’re 25% done  

I had my first clumps of hair come out the night before treatment. It’s been weird (like really weird) but not as traumatic as I expected. As I combed my hair {off}, I started thinking about how this experience strips women of everything society deems feminine. Their hair, eyelashes, breasts, cycle, the list goes on. But, God immediately stopped me in my thoughts and reminded my heart that those are not the things he uses to define a woman. He gave me the verse “She is clothed with strength and dignity” that I’ve repeated with every handful of hair. I may not have hair on my head, but I am full of His strength and the dignity of knowing I am chosen. Proverbs 31 has been a good place to rest these days as I’m still wife and homemaker through this experience. I think it’s a good reminder to all of us about how we view and value ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to pampering and taking care of myself after all of this – but for now I am reminded the parts that truly matter cannot be stripped from me. 

Y’all know I love my patterns, so I’m getting some fabric printed with a few new designs and am watching headscarf tutorials on YouTube. Trying to bring some fun into it! 

Thank you all for loving us so well. Gratitude is still our biggest emotion – the blessings are truly immeasurable.

Ongoing prayer requests:

1. Overall health for our house and people 

2. Our sweet kids amidst a lot of shuffling and change

3. The mental game. Some days the hormone swings hit a little harder than others. It’s on those days that I replay the timing of all this and remind myself how fortunate we are this was caught. While unexpected and inconvenient, I 100% realize the blessings. It’s the gratitude that keeps us moving forward. Please pray for a hedge of protection around our hearts and minds.

4. Absolute effectiveness and healing in Jesus name!

March 7, 2022

The last round really knocked me down physically and emotionally. I had a hormone suppressant shot on the same day as treatment (will get monthly for 2 years ) that just wreaked havoc on my hormones. So I could just cry at the drop of a hat. Took me longer to lose the hangover and was still really tired over the weekend. 

My faith, gratitude, long term outlook has not changed. Not a fear or doubt in my mind. But in the present day to day, I’ve been weary. So tired, missing our routine, and just over feeling gross and not being able to eat the foods I want. Scripture says “Come to me all who are weary” – so I prayed for church to really re-energize me in all the ways. Our first song had me sobbing in seconds. Just the words I needed. Like a guidebook for how to turn my head and heart around. 

I don’t know the details of your thoughts right now – and I don’t have to (though I’m still here to talk ) but I bet at the root, we’re processing a lot of the same emotions. You and I know the truths. God has our hearts and that’s not going to change. We’re just going through stuff that makes the day to day feel weary. And as the song says

“I will rejoice. I will CLAIM every yes and amen…

…A song of thanksgiving is MY BATTLECRY…

…With JOY as my weapon I’ll stand and defy.”

However small, we keep rejoicing, we keep praising, we keep speaking His name and he’ll make himself known to us and renew our hearts. 

I have round 4 on Thursday. It’s the last round of this drug combo – praise! It’s a nasty one. Then I have 4 more rounds of a new drug. It may be a little easier, but dr said higher risk for reaction. So treatment days are 3/10, 3/24, 4/7, 4/21, 5/5. Hardest days are Thursday night when I get home and Saturday. I have an echocardiogram on Tuesday bc I’ve been having some deep breathing and elevated pulse issues. I know the meds are killing the bad cells, but I sometimes wonder what else they’re doing to my body. Hair is 90% gone but I honestly don’t care! We cut it up to my chin but didn’t shave. Thinking some is better than bald to not worry the kids. I’ve been rocking a scarf with a hat and I kinda dig it!

So there’s the news from here. Thank you so much for the prayers. I went forward at church yesterday to Pastor Joel since he already knew our story. I told him  me walking forward was a physical act to say I can’t do this on my own and renew my energy as we head into the next round. I need God, I need prayer to keep me going when emotions try to haze the truths I know. 

March 22, 2022

I start a new regimen on Thursday. Dr says it should be lighter on the nausea but has higher risk for allergic reaction. Asking for prayers for no adverse effects! 

I feel a little fake sharing a big upbeat message right now. The good days are reallllllllly good, but I know next week I’ll have a couple days of hormones where I’m going to be dumpy and grumpy. I put up a good front, but it’s not a cake walk and I have my moments that I’m not walking through this so gracefully. Idk.

March 24, 2022

After Chemo Round 5, first round of Taxol

Had a little hiccup and started getting itchy halfway into the taxol. They stopped and gave me more Benadryl and a steroid then fluids for a bit to flush, then started back at a super slow drip. Did fine after that. So next time they might add in the steroid to pre meds and just go slower. Long day. Dr said it was obviously something but nothing to worry to not continue. All is good! Just made a long day even longer. Nurses were incredible and I had 6 people around me in less than 60 seconds! It didn’t seem that major to me, just my hands. But they said it’s important to let them know as soon as anything changes in case it could get severe. And so far, no nausea at all!! That was not the case with the other meds!

March 31, 2022

When asked about screening and preventative measures

1. I had my first mammo after I finished nursing my son. I had some discomfort and was lopsided. Given my family history they ordered a mammo at 30. It was a cyst that we monitored with ultrasound every 6 months. You can do ultrasounds while pregnant. I had an mri scheduled that I had to cancel bc we got pregnant with our miscarriage. Then had final follow up ultrasound for original cyst at like 38 weeks with our daughter. (Side note, the radiologist said “you’re clear! Come back when you’re 40!” I obvi didn’t listen and went back for annual mammo as soon as I was done nursing. In dec it was the same radiologist who ordered the biopsy…..)

All of my 47 panels of my genetic testing were totally negative! Even tho my mom had the same type. I didn’t do the test until after my diagnosis. My OBGYN had always said it wouldn’t really change her protocol and that annual mammo and mri at my age is the most high risk track I could be on and that’s what she wanted me on anyway. My breast surgeon actually said that only like 10% or less of cases are the Brca or genetic. Having that information just plays a greater role in determining extra precautions you need to take surgically. Like if I were positive, I would need hysterectomy, ovaries removed etc bc higher risk for those cancers. So additional Brca is totally up to you – but find one that does the comprehensive blood test. Mine was like 4 viles and did 47 panels. 

2. Go with your gut. If anything feels off or different or you think you have dense breast tissue and can’t tell, then ask for screening. If you are pregnant, but have any concern, ask for an ultrasound. I hate to say lie, but say you felt a spot or have pain and that will give reason to order ultrasound. And if you aren’t yet, then absolutely get mammo and mri scheduled. I think it’s especially important to get a baseline before you might nurse again. 

I’m all about being proactive. Faith over fear and combat fear with action. Literally wrecks me when I think of the timing. I would have NEVER been on high alert if my mom hadn’t been diagnosed at 40. And they never would have ordered a mammo at 30 – especially since there wasn’t a lump. And since I have dense tissue, you can’t feel a thing. (Tho after these 5 rounds, it does feel different! Less dense feeling! It’s working! ) So in a roundabout way – my mom going through it maybe saved my life!?! I hope me going through this makes others more aware just like mom did for me!

And then there’s the preventative side. You’d have to get these cleared by ob if you’re pregnant, but my nutritionist put me on these bc they are insane cancer fighters. Wish I’d known this 10 years ago to take daily :/ Sulforaphane, Tumeric, Vitamin D, Green Tea extract, Mushroom extract (can’t take yet), And frankincense (but I’m too cheap to buy )

April 7, 2022

Chemo Round 6

Today went well. No reactions and no nausea! Some of my numbers aren’t bouncing back as much as they’d like. Just the compounding effect as expected (and I know I pushed myself too hard this week). If they don’t perk up, I may have to push the next round back a week to give my body more time. Don’t want to delay, but trying trust He is in every detail!

April 19, 2022

So we’re postponing my round on Thursday. I’m still not feeling well and since my numbers were already borderline going into the last round, this is probably best all around! One week doesn’t mess up any May plans, so would rather finish strong than push and land in the hospital :/ Without the z pack I would have likely ended up there last week.

April 28, 2022

Chemo Round 7

At my pre-treatment appointment with the oncologist, he said “we need to start preparing ourselves mentally for the outcome of the MRI. Your type of tumors are not expected to go away completely, the goal is just no growth.” That just rocked me – I’ve never thought for one second that they wouldn’t be drastically smaller so to hear him say that was like whhaaaat!? So I’m just believing that they will be! Show off, God!

After stuff with babies and pregnancy and speech, I’ve learned it’s so important to take note of where we put our hope. With our son, I so clearly heard God say, “it doesn’t matter if you stick with this therapist or switch to another, just keep your hope in me – don’t put your hope in a person or therapy.”

So I think I’ve done the same with this? My eyes are Jesus. Not a Dr or medicine. I’ve believed with all I have that God has healed and is healing me. I think I actually forgot that the chemo is suppose to do that too I don’t know what I’m trying to say. But I will be resting in Luke 8:46-48 and other examples of his healing this next week!

May 10, 2022

I have my follow up MRI tomorrow morning at 10 to see how my tumors responded to the chemo. Praying for God to show off!! Dr said it is not typical for my type of tumors to go away completely with chemo, his goal is just no growth. Believing we’re going to see crazy results bc I have a true army covering me  

And last round of chemo on Thursday! Will get MRI results at my appt.

May 11, 2022

My oncologist called while we were at dinner…..

SIGNIFICANT DECREASE in the larger tumor. The smaller tumor DOES NOT SEEM TO BE PRESENT!!! Lymph node does not appear affected! Like the most amazing report we could receive!!! 

THAT’S OUR GOD!!!!!!!

They won’t be able to give actual percentages until surgery bc what is left could just be scar tissue!

Beyond grateful and in awe! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for praying and BELIEVING WITH US! So ready to walk in tomorrow for this last round and to ring that bell!!!!

May 12, 2022

LAST ROUND OF CHEMO!!

To the most amazing group of people a person could ever dream of:

Here WE are!!! And I truly mean “WE”. This has been a team effort to get to this point. I’ll never have enough words to express my awe and appreciation for your love, support, prayers, the meals, the gift cards, the random texts, the listening ears, the CELEBRATORY JOY with each milestone. You are an integral part of this miracle. Thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart!!! I love you all so incredibly much and am beyond grateful that God wove our lives together so uniquely. I pray that I can pay forward the incredible blessing you all have been to our family. 

I usually draw on treatment days, but today I’m just reflecting on what the last 17 weeks have held. How we celebrated the highs, how we pushed through and held to each other in the lows. 

This has been a strange season for sure, but I could never describe it as dark. Because darkness is the absence of light. And there has been SO MUCH LIGHT. In the joy of our children (a huge prayer request that was answered over and over through the most precious moments). Your continual prayer and love. The strengthened and renewed relationships. The nurses ( please to tell a nurse today that they are doing good work and are a true gift ). The creative fruit (I have the most exciting news to share about one of my patterns!!!) The way the Lord has forever changed my faith and walk with Him. And given me a confidence to stand up and share my story and HIS story through me. Lives will be saved and more mommas will be given the opportunity to fight. I just know it!

Our very first thoughts when we received the full diagnosis and met with the surgeon were gratitude and awe that that Lord would care for me in this way. And that is still so true. I’m so grateful for His divine timing, His nudge to push for the MRI and my OBGYN who pushed with me. Chemo crud, losing my hair, the hormones and emotional toll – those are all small prices to pay for the opportunity to FIGHT and LIVE!

So today to celebrate, go live! Not out of fear and what ifs, but because you can. Celebrate the little quiet moments that make your life so perfectly uniquely you. Do the things that bring you joy – those things are a gift from God! He wants you to feel joy to experience a small fragment of just how much He loves you!

Here is a link to the playlist I listen to each round. TURN IT UP! I dare you not to dance and throw your hands up in praise for just how Good our God is. You are strong. You are Worthy. You are Capable. Whatever you’re facing, He is bigger and wants to carry the burden for you. Let Him! You will be forever changed by how He will make himself known. I’m here to listen and pray with you!

I cant wait to send you all a video of me ringing that bell. I love you guys! Today is OUR day!!

June 18, 2022

I’m well past the chemo slump. Energy feels good, eating all the fresh foods again and have some hair growing back in! The past few weeks have been filled with doing ALL THE THINGS. Lots of family events to celebrate and squeezing in so much summer fun. Even running errands and eating lunch out feel like quite a luxury! 

We just got back from a week at the beach to unplug, relax and play before surgery and recovery. My surgery was moved up to Monday June 20 at 1pm. I’ve had a few people hesitantly ask questions not wanting to be too intrusive – I’m an open book! Here are the details!

Because of the locations of the tumors, stage and family history, I’ll be having a double mastectomy. Ive elected for reconstruction as well. The plastic surgeon appointments are not my favorite. It’s a strange thing to decide at 34. There is a possibility that reconstruction will happen during the mastectomy surgery. If there is adequate blood flow to the skin, then they will proceed with reconstruction. If not, they will place spacers and I’ll go back in a few weeks later. Obviously, I would LOVE for it to all be done at once, but ultimately we’re praying for whatever is safest and most effective. I feel very confident in my doctors and their experience to make those decisions. So the short story is – I don’t know if I’ll be waking up with boobs or not! You all will likely know before me! LOL Overall it is a 5-6 hour surgery. Matt will receive updates hourly and will pass on to Emily. (I’ll let her decide how often to bug you all ) I’m just really asking for the entire surgery day to be covered in prayer. For me, the doctors and nurses and for Matt, my mom and immediate family! Please pray for them to have so much peace as they wait for each update!!!

I’ll spend one night in the hospital then head home the next day to start recovery. I’ll have drains for 2 weeks which means no showering and will be pretty dependent on help. Can’t drive for 4 weeks and can’t lift anything over 10lbs for 6 weeks. This is all difficult for Miss Stubbornly Independent Me! 

It feels daunting to look ahead at it all, but reminding myself that surgery is a blessing not a burden. I heard it said recently “God is so good that He let us in on the Divine Knowledge of what is happening inside Momma.” So true! Overwhelmingly grateful and in awe (still) by the timeline.

Here we go with Phase 2! After this, “just” radiation to go!

June 21, 2022

1 Day Post Surgery

Getting ready to blow this pop stand! (Is that the phrase??)

Idk. Got me out of the hospital gown and into shorts and a vest contraption that holds the drains.  I feel like an octopus with everything coming out of me. I’ll have to tell you sometime about the nerve blockers and radioactive injection they did in pre op

Pain is bearable. More pain than I was expecting but I can handle it. Going to be a very slow few days for sure.

But my surgeon came by this morning to share a rundown since we finished pretty late last night. As she said, I had the “trifecta of good news”. Tissue behind nipples was clear of any cancer cells so they were spared, skin was good so they finished reconstruction, and all 3 sentinel lymph nodes removed came back negative! That’s the best part! She said the whole OR cheered when that was announced. So that means nothing metastasized  

All in all, we are good. Overwhelmed with gratitude for how this all is playing out. Super humbled by all the people praying for us. I felt Gods presence all day. Especially when they got me on the OR table. Just envisioned an army of angels filling that room. Glad we’re on the other side and now have the week to recover.

July 27, 2022

Recovery has been a lot more difficult than I expected. There was a lot more to it than just pain management. Pain was actually the easiest part. Lots of awkward discomfort and getting use to my “new” body that doesn’t look or feel like me. I’ll be numb in some areas forever so that’s just plain weird! Have most of my range of motion back. Should get cleared to lift next week. (Haven’t been able to pick up my two year old in over 5 weeks! ) All in all I’m healing really really well. 

The week after surgery the full pathology report sent me for a spin. The tissue behind my nipple was not clear so I had to go back in to have that removed. The lymph node also had a micro dot left. It had already been removed, but wasn’t the full negative we had thought. 

Additionally, what we thought had been 2 tumors all along was actually one larger mass – to the tune of 7cm! Chemo still did a good number on it as there was significant scar tissue. So with the size and what remained they actually reclassified me as Stage 3. How something that large got past mammograms, self checks and Dr checks is just crazy. 

It was just a lot of information to process. I was ticked it wasn’t found sooner, but crazy grateful it was and terrified of the what ifs. We also got more information on the prescriptions I’ll be on for the next 2-5 years. And that’s a whole hurdle in itself. Yucky side effects that I’m not excited about! And then throw in the medically induced hormone imbalance and I just had to turn off my mind for awhile.

I never sent out an update with the above info bc I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Y’all have rallied around us and been our prayer warriors and we received such amazing reports that were full evidence of his work. So to share that “hey maybe things weren’t as amazing as we thought” just felt sad and I didn’t want anyone to doubt that He’s still working and still doing good in our lives. 

I think the weight of the last 7 months finally hit and I realized what we’ve endured. I’ve kept my head in such a good place and my eyes strictly on Jesus so I could push through the tasks at hand. And then once things slowed down a bit, I was like WHOA! What the what is all this stuff!! Still attribute a lot to hormone imbalance, but for awhile I questioned if my faith had changed and that was affecting my mood or maybe other outside impacts. I didn’t really know. 

All that to say, I am doing better! I feel like my head is back in the game. And giving myself grace to feel all the emotions and work through them. 

I start radiation next Tuesday the 2nd. It’s every day for 16 sessions. There are of course risks of side effects, some minor, some major. So really praying it’s nothing more than the sunburn side of things. 

I had some crummy days but I just keep replaying the story in my head of how blessed I am to fight. That He made a way to bring this to light and gave us the most incredible medical team and community. Days are feeling brighter now and we’re soaking up these last couple weeks before kindergarten!

August 1, 2022

Radiation appt at 1030 tomorrow to make sure skin from last procedure is healed enough, then 11 for treatment. Every day for 16 sessions. Prayers for no major side effects, no encapsulation, and for this to zap any pesky cells lingering somewhere!

I think I’m just emotionally zonked or chemo fog or numb. Idk! Trying to put words together for how I feel and coming up blank.

August 2, 2022

Radiation was a no go!

When they did my simulation at the last appt the Dr noticed a blueness to the skin under each breast when she was reviewing. Suspecting it is venous congestion, where the skin is tightened around the implant not allowing proper blood flow. Since radiation will further tighten the skin, she doesn’t was to proceed and risk anything yet. I already have a follow up scheduled with plastic surgeon on Thursday so have to wait and see what he thinks and then we can reschedule. Potentially start Friday if he gives the all clear. If it is the venous congestion, I’m not sure what next steps would be and when.

Bummed bc I already had the countdown on my calendar, but grateful we have experienced doctors with attention to these details!!!

August 4, 2022

Not venous congestion!!!!! All clear to get started on the 5th!

August 12, 2022

I’ve officially had my first full week of radiation. Phew! I am wiped. I do not understand how something like radiation can make you so tired! They said the fatigue would hit and I honestly didn’t believe them – but it did! My white count is pretty low right now, so taking it easy and resting as much as possible. This is our last weekend of summer so we are trying to squeeze in as much fun as possible before KINDERGARTEN starts on Monday! Not ready for that early morning wake up call, but so excited to hear about my favorite five year old’s first day. He’s SO ready and I know it’s going to be a great year and start of a new season for our family.

I also launched preorders for the Start Before You’re Ready collection today. Still just in awe that God could take this experience and turn it into what it has become. Excited to see all the women who will be blessed and encouraged by these pieces!

August 24, 2022

Last Day of Radiation!

Happy Friday! I RANG THAT BELL!! Phase 3 of 3 is complete and I am a mess of emotions!

Gratitude. So much gratitude today! For each of you, the opportunity to fight this fight and the Lord for carrying us through! Thank you to every single one of you for loving us through these last 9 months. Your friendship means everything to us!

Next up is some physical therapy to regain strength and range of motion. And starting on my new prescriptions.

Every day is a choice to look at the what ifs, or celebrate the good – the little things that make this life so wonderful. And today, we are CELEBRATING!! Love you all. Thank you for being on this journey with us!!

August 25, 2022

Yesterday was a GOOD DAY!!

I “rang the bell” and celebrated the completion of phase 3 of 3 of this BC Battleplan!

261 days after reading those dreaded words, we are filled with so much gratitude for this journey. Those “dreaded words” were actually life saving and we are just in awe that the Lord brought everything to light to give me the opportunity to fight.

Know your body, fight for your health and know your God so you can recognize His nudges!

I’ve envisioned myself yelling “IT IS FINISHED” for awhile now – even though I’ll never really be “finished” with the ongoing to-dos. But God so regularly reminds me “Brittany, it’s BEEN finished. It’s been finished before you even started.” And that’s so true. My fight has been won and I don’t have to waste time worrying about the what ifs of the future. I know who holds my heart and has ordained my earthly days. Faith is faith is faith. And if you trust in the Lord, then you trust that all His plans are good. We have seen time and time again how He works everything together for good!

So how did I celebrate?

By being a wife and mom. Making dinner for my family, watching Cars 2 for the millionth time, cutting up endless grapes and cleaning up messes. Praying with my hubby and falling asleep on the sofa. Enjoy the little things. They’re not chores – they’re your purpose and an opportunity to be the Hands and Feet. I’m so grateful for lots of normal days ahead.

Thankful to have my momma with us yesterday as she celebrates 27 years since her diagnosis next week!! Amazing!!! She has been the greatest gift to us this year!

Thanks for bearing with us on this journey. Looking forward to diving back in to more “Summerhouse” type stuff soon!

December 29, 2022

It’s BEEN A YEAR since we received the results of the biopsy that forever changed our outlook on life and the trajectory of our 2022. Shockingly, I’m at a loss for words. Never could have imagined we would journey through all we did, but ever so grateful that I GOT TO! I know it is such a blessing to get to fight and stand on the other side with hope for the future.

Be aware of your body. Fight for your health. And know your God so you can recognize His nudges!!

January 26, 2023

Today felt extra messy. Sick kid home from school, there other still had her favorite moment of the week to make it to. School planning meeting (now with both in tow) plus a house we left in a disastrous mess and my own plans for the day kinda out the window. Messy is an appropriate word! But hidden in the mess are beautiful pockets if we’re looking for them. I found a surprise “I love Mom” note on the back of one of my Start Before You’re Ready notecards that wrecked me!

I had just had an impromptu sharing of my full story with 2 new momma friends at Starbucks through tears from all of us. When we got home I realized its exactly 52 weeks since I sat in the chair for my first chemo. Thursdays will always fell different!

I literally would have given anything this time a year ago to be home in a messy house with my babies instead of sitting in that chair with the unknown effects of the meds ahead of me.

But that wasn’t the plan God had! He led us on what we now see as a beautiful journey of discovery and healing. The friends I’ve made along the way, the doctors and nurses we’ve connected with, the blessings we’ve been able o pay forward, the opportunities for creative fruit, the ways we get to tangibly show our children the power of prayer… this story he has written. I am undone!

Thank you, Lord for this messy day and all the messy days to come.

There is beauty hiding in the mess. I promise.

February 4, 2023

Woowee! It’s been 5 months since I rang the radiation bell! A lot has happened since then as we’ve done our best to figure out this “life after” stage.

I do my best to stay positive and grateful as we remember all the “this time last year…” moments. Truth is though – life isn’t exactly back to normal. I’m still walking this journey and dealing with the effects of all.the.things. Sharing the following {honest} details so you can best care for friends who find themselves in the “life after” stage. Having an understanding that life doesn’t just snap back to normal is incredibly kind and considerate and will show your friend you are still walking with them, praying for them and aware of their fight.

Physical: Interesting tidbit – I’m still numb across most of my chest! It was insanely weird at first, but I’ve gotten use to it. I hear varying reports about if and when feeling will come back. As nerves keep waking up (7 months after surgery) it creates all sorts of pokies and reminders! I completed 3 months of physical therapy just before Christmas. It helped with my range of motion following radiation and regaining some strength. I also met with a trainer to help ease me into light weight training safely.

Last year I gained 20 pounds during treatment. Mostly due to chemo drugs and medications. Also due to limited activity. Hollywood paints a very inaccurate picture of cancer treatment. Last week a nurse told me that it is typical to gain 20 to even 50 pounds during chemo! The weight gain has been hard for me. I spent most of 2021 losing the 20 pounds I gained during my last pregnancy. Now I’m back up and finding it very difficult to get the scale to budge. My hormones are purposefully out of whack and I’m on new medications that are greatly impacting my ability to lose weight! Is it the end of the world? No. Am I ashamed of myself? No. Would I like to drop some pounds and inches before summer and feel more comfortable and confident physically? YES!

I started one medication after Labor Day with little side effect. I started another at the beginning of the year that has had a few more challenges. I’ll spare you some of the details! Currently, I am feeling allllll the fatigue. I’m so tired. Which feels so silly to say or complain about because aren’t most moms tired?!? The medication lowers my white count which creates most of my fatigue. Hoping this is something I will get use to or that it will just level out eventually. One of my medications causes joint and muscle pain and boy do I feel it! Every time I get up off the floor I question if I’m turning 35 or 85 this year!!!

Overall, I’ve done my best to get back to normal speed-ish. Lots of travel, family adventures, projects and play. The laundry and housework slides – but is that always a bad thing?! My word for the year is enJOY and enJOY we have! Lots of time at home just being grateful for quality time with each other.

Emotional: If we’ve talked in person over the last year, I’ve probably told you that the hormone swings have been the hardest part of this journey. Overall, my head is in a really good space! I attribute that to the spiritual side of things (below) and being honest with my people when hard days hit. I receive monthly hormone suppressant shots that can throw a wrench in things. I’ve been tracking my mood in correlation with the shots to help predict/determine when the dark days are expected. It’s helpful for me to see days line up and know “ok, this is just a hormone swing and I’ll be back in another day”. Because that’s what it truly feels like – a heaviness that covers you until the load is lifted and you’re able to crawl out. You feel like yourself again. My sweet husband sees this all too closely and is incredibly understanding. He’s also the first to say “The shot has worn off, you’re back!” and celebrate with me.

I hear a lot of people talk about fear on the other side of cancer treatment. Thankfully, that’s not something I’ve struggled with. There’s always a possibility that something could come back – or something 100000% unrelated to happen. I’ve learned through other experiences that living in fear does nothing constructive. I’m sure things will happen in the future that will ignite a “what if” fear, but for now I’m not wasting any time worrying about those things.

Apart from the negative hormone swings, I find myself with an influx of happy tears as I think of all the Lord has done in the last year. As the dates line up with “this time last year”, or I hear a song I clung to, or we just enJOY the little moments, I’m overcome with emotion. All the tears. All the gratitude. All the emotion and charge to savor each moment.

Spiritual: My faith. Ohhhhh my faith. Standing here today, I see how the Lord sculpted and grew my faith over the last 35 years to prepare me for this experience. It’s pretty overwhelming. It’s pretty humbling. For a good part of this year, I think God and I just had an ongoing conversation every day. I talked to Him like I would a best friend who was always around. “What do you think, God?” “Can you help me with this?” “Ok, talk me through this.” “Help me understand” “I need you.” “Make me brave right now!” “Is this a good idea?” “What should we do about…” My personal prayer life was conversational. It saved me and kept my head in a good space. Kept my eyes on Jesus and the truths I’ve learned and heard all my life. It allowed me to walk all (errr…. almost all) the days with a confident hope. I’m so thankful for all the people who God put in my path – since VBS days at Dardenne Presbyterian Church through GTCCF in college into small groups, coworkers, and faith building life experiences. I don’t know how I would have walked this year without the Lord to lean on.

I just started a new small group/Bible study that I’m really excited about! We’re reading Beholding and Becoming by Ruth Chou Simmons. I’ve read it before and I highly recommend! One of the questions this week got me wondering if my relationship with God has become too casual. I know He’s always there. I’m quick to always talk to Him. But in that, have I forgotten the awe of His greatness and vastness? I think in some ways yes, if I’m being honest. So as I move forward, I’m going to keep the constant conversation going because we’re told to “take EVERYTHING to Him in prayer”, but with a proper posture.

So there you have it. Does that update sound positive overall? Or negative? I can’t tell! Life is truly good. My children are wonderful. My husband and I are getting back in the swing of regular date nights and processing what the heck we did last year. I have so many exciting creative plans in the works plus some really BIG dreams that I’m praying through!

I don’t dwell on the physical setbacks, they are manageable. It’s just a reality of this season! I think it’s important to acknowledge and verbalize these types of things so we can work through them and celebrate when they’ve come to pass! And, I hope that by being honest about it, you can walk alongside a friend with compassion and grace. I’m hear to talk, listen, pray, dream – you name it! xo, Brittany